You�ve got to love yourself a man named Diedrich. You just GOT to try a little tenderness on his sweet lips.

Last night Brent had a dream that Oswald from The Drew Carey Show was trying to get me to like him. He was standing in some room with his shirt pulled up, admiring his belly. When I came into the room he said, shaking his head, �I�ve got a strange stomach, Jenn.�

The weird thing is, people tell Brent he looks like Oswald all the time. Which is kind of funny, because I always thought Oswald was quite handsome. Toothsome, even. BOW TO YOUR SENSAY!

Brent has much better hair, though

If you want to read about my adventures being insulted at the DMV and beyond, sidle up to all 500 words of it here! It might kiss back. It couldn�t hurt. Only I was harmed in the writing of this column.

I gotta get outta this house. And then I think of the next lyric to the song I�m playing on: If it�s the last thing I ever do. Which prompts me to stay. Is agoraphobia genetic?

Girl, there�s totally a better life. For me. And you.