Politicians’ poor grammar/spelling affects everyone!

I thought Nu-Cu-Ler was a crap pronunciation exclusive to Dubya… I suppose I am a romantic, thinking that people want to speak the language as well as they can. But I heard a jackass politico today on un-empathetic talk radio host Laura Ingraham’s show letting “Nu-Cu-Ler” roll off his tongue as if it were surfing. It’s a goddamn weapon that can destroy the world! I think the gravity of its purpose demands proper pronunciation. If you must destroy language, do it with something a little smaller, like li-barry or foil-age. Please.

I caught my sister spelling potato “P-O-T-A-T-O-E” a few years ago. I assumed it was because somewhere in her subconscious she felt bad for Dan Quayle and tried to ease it by adopting his bad spelling. I mean, be bipartisan if you must, even be a staunch conservative. I don’t care (well I do, SORT OF, but that’s another rant). But for God’s sake please don’t allow your support to extend to poor grammar. That, my friend, is going too far. I fear for the grammar of our country, ladies and gentlemen. Even my dad who is wildly Republican couldn’t say anything back to my “But he’s supposed to be our president 'n he just can’t freakin’ speak, dad or he refuses to!!!” I’m not sure which is worse. And I am going to stop here lest I end up in the chasm of Dubya’s psyche by way of language and to tell you the truth, there are a million other places I’d rather be. Like cleaning the cat litter.

And then there are the intellectuals who say “it’s a ‘sort of’ homage” or any other adjective phrase meant to disclose some deeper meaning about the work they’ve done. It is the American equivalent to the British “isn’t it?” Condescending. But at least the Brits’ “isn’t it?” is somewhat inclusive. For example: Some Michiganer brings Granny’s supposed 18th century teapot on Antiques Roadshow. Granddaughter thinks it’s of Japanese origin. The British expert says, “Well, it has these tiny flowers in red and yellow enamel—so it is early 17th century Chinese, isn’t it?” The expert is trying to prod Granddaughter to agree, almost saying, “I am not calling you a stupid bitch because you thought the teapot was Japanese, I am suggesting you may have forgotten that the tiny flowers clearly point to Chinese origin because I know you couldn’t be so stupid, but I’ll be polite about it.” It cracks me up.

Anyway, let’s all try to say “a ‘sort of’ [insert artistic medium here]” less. I like “sort of” for many things. When you say, “it sounds sort of like The Police,” or something. That is very different to me than, “it’s a [pause] sort of [pause] aural mimeograph, if you will, of ‘Canary In A Coalmine’.” No. I decidedly will not.

I think I just out-snotted snots. That was snotty.

I just think that this use of “sort of” has become the intellectual “um” and it needs to stop, goddammit. Goddamn Elijah Wood! He’s all big eyed and sort-of-ing all over his pants.

I like flowers.