Oh my pajamas that I just put on because they were clean after finding them at my Dad�s in Jerz smell like his awful girlfriend�s awful Oxygen gel that she must use for her rosacea. See, my sister and I went into my Mom�s bathroom to gather whatever was left of her products since she passed away a little over two years ago and came across the things Badabing decided to keep of hers (and snagged them, because well, they�re our mothers�), such as l�air du temps bath oil, an Erno Laszlo face mask kit and holy water from Lourdes as well as many of Badabing�s personal items, including her Oxygen gel (for inflammations of all sorts) as well as her Christian Dior blue eyeshadow and her Feminine Moisturizer. Well, of course I have no problem with feminine moisturizer but to see it in my deceased mother�s drawer was a touch strange� Of course Badabing is a walking BJ anyway. (And an anti-Semite! She�s awful). The funniest thing about finding the old lubricant is that it created a synthesis because when my other sister and her family moved into their new house my 16 year old niece Jessica found a whole bottle (and nothing else) of KY jelly in her new bathroom and we�ve been trying to figure out, as my family is chock full �o paranoids and totally overly analytical, what the message was: What were they trying to say by leaving it there? One of my sisters suggested that the couple who lived there before had one last tryst before removing their swimsuit areas to their new, less sexy house. Jessica was a little ruffled that it may have happened in her personal bathroom but I think has enjoyed being able to tell the story to everyone. This is one of the things I love so much about her. The ability to shock in ways that doesn�t involve saying that shopping at the Gap makes you a big fat conformist and the like. I remember once when Wil and I were visiting Jerz and Jezebel, as I like to call her, was probably twelve and told us about a dream she had where a girl was pregnant and had puppies and the girl�s brother said, �she must have had sex with Lassie.� My sister just kind of rolled her eyes because there was really nothing to say. She also came home from school in 2nd grade, I think, and said �George and Martha Washington are sexing� and that was the day my sister had to have The Talk with her. And my sister�s always been really good about that and open with her kids (or her seal heads, as she called them because they have sleek ponytails, and she also calls them her Grepolians because they�re Greek, Polish and Italian). But anyway, I get a kick out of my niece�s openness and flagrant use of the F word.

Someone please pry me out of the house with a crowbar because I�m getting cabin fever and there�s like some invisible forcefield between the front door and me. I�m trying to use the force but having a hard time of it. Maybe some of Badabing�s lubricant will help me out. Ok, I wasn�t going to talk about her.

Swwwoooooosh�. Looks like Ms. Joyful Thang KY�d me out da house. It was lovely. We went to Au Bon Pain to have a bite and sit outside and people watch and then onto Million Year Picnic so I could grab a couple of comics my friend Stephanie recommended to me. I�ll write more about them when I�ve read them. Then we went to see About A Biz starring Hugh Grizz. It was great but in that way that makes you sad at the same time. I�ll write about that later too because it just came out and not that many peeps have viewed it yet so I don�t want to ruin it. I even bought the soundtrack, all written by Badly Drawn Boy, except for one song that unfortunately isn�t on there because he didn't write it, �Shake Ya Ass, Watch Yourself,� which makes for a really funny moment in the movie. See it, bitch. Ok, that was a little harsh. Sorry. I had a giant iced coffee and no cigarettes all day and I�m really hungry so I�m a touch crabby.

You know what I just bought that made me scream �FUCKING RADSVILLE� as well as �nuh UH!� in my room? Where have these sci-fi post punk poppy funny crazy music humans THE AQUABATS! been my whole life and why hasn�t amazon.com put them on my freakin� recommendation list considering all the other crazy stuff I�ve bought from them and all they can come up with is like NOFX, Michael Feinstein and The Strokes??? (Which of course I already have and yes, I�m cool enough that I don�t give a big enough shit about being underground to pretend I don�t immensely enjoy Is This It?. I didn�t mean for that to come out ultra bitchfest but it annoys me how people are pretending they don�t like the album because so many other people like it. Get out of High School, people.) See, at least once a year I buy an album simply because it looks like it would be cool and usually it works. This was the case with The Aquabats� vs. The Floating Eye of Death and other amazing adventures Vol. 1. I can�t even express. It�s hysterically good fun. There are moments that sound like The Cars, some other jazzy stuff� and there are lots of lyrics all about the Earth being tired of human kind, giant robots with chicken like heads and people cutting in line in the supermarket and what it says about human nature. If nihilistic could ever be fun, this is it. There�s even a song dedicated to the domestication of the dog and they go �Dogs are way sweet!� Isn�t that awesome? And they all have nicknames. I�m a fan of bands with nicknames. Catboy. Crash McLarson. The Mysterious Kyu. I mean, come on! That rocks! So the last album that I just bought cuz it looked rad was Les Sexareenos� Live in the Bed. That was amazing too. They have a song called �Everybody Sexareeno.� Another album I bought because it looked cool was �Lemon Kitten� and I kind of struck out on that count. See, my skill for choosing kewl tewns by appearance was not quite honed yet. I thought serious looking albums were prime for choosing and was seriously wrong. The wackier looking the better. This formula works. That�s what I�ve learned. Part of the reason for that is that I really like bands that make fun of themselves, of a genre, and yet play in that genre at the same time and the fact that they�re making fun of themselves allows them to transcend said genre. Dig? Examples are Jellyfish, Redd Kross and even Weezer. I read a snippet in the back of one a �dem music rags on one of Weezer�s live shows when the Green Album came out and it was said that now chicks were throwing their panties on stage. Mikey Welsh, the bass player, said something to the effect of, �We�ve always been, like an ironic stadium band, selling out relatively small venues but really being kind of making fun of it at the same time, so I�ve just assumed those are ironic panties.� I love that. Ironic panties. That would be a really good band name.