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3:46 p.m. : 2002-07-10 : We Are Zah Talbots and Wild Oates

I�ve just learned of a startling coincidence of 1984 proportions. We are having a family meeting for the airing of grievances, flinging of poo and backhanded compliments starting on August 9, 2002 in Hershey, PA. It just so happens that Hall & Oates are playing on that very same day in the very same place. Now, the weirdness ensues here: My sister�s husband (the sister who organized the meeting�s very existence and whereabouts), my very Members Only jacket brother-in-law has always loved H & O into oblivion. I have a feeling he has an H & O homing device in his brain. He�s loved them beyond a reasonable doubt. They�re practically unrecognizable:

See? That�s all from my brother-in-law�s radioactive love. So the other bit of coincidence is that just last night I finally made Steve the Oates T-shirt he�s been wanting. It�s extra special and says �Wild� in pink above Oates� smirking kisser. I�m not sure if my brother-in-law�s radioactive love is also responsible for Oates� wretch-worthy new band, Phunk Shui. Anyway, I also have an inkling they�ll be staying in the same hotel as we are. Maybe Daryl will be getting a Cocoa Latte Frothing Exfoliation while I�m getting my Ocean Therapy Wrap in the spa. Or John will be having a Meadow Flowers Herbal Wrap and a back wax while I�m getting my Herbal Meadow & Sea Scrub.

I have absolutely nothing interesting to tell. Except that last night we watched hours and hours of the hilarious Mr. Show dvd. Impossible to explain. Just see it. One highlight was a sketch on �IDS,� Imminent Death Syndrome. Some people can live 80-100 years with this awful disease, putting everyone around them in an �awkward position.� The healthy bystander, feeling guilty, finds his or herserlf constantly having to tell those with IDS that they are amazing at whatever they do just because they�re about to die. Then said healthy bystander gets a little resentful because the person doesn�t die like they�re supposed to. One guy was awarded, no questions asked, a doctorate from Harvard because of his IDS. He then wanted to practice medicine and a caring hospital staff in Minnesota allowed him onboard where he, because he�s not dead quite yet, is doing �great work,� from the mouths of his many amputee patients. Juliette Lewis has IDS. Quentin Tarantino�the actor, not the director�has IDS. Anyway, on and on.

I apologize for this flagrant display of bore.

Let me make a suggestion. When/if you order a free month of Gevalia because you want a couple free mugs and a free coffee maker, be aware that when you cancel it, the woman in customer service will attempt to make you feel guilty with her slow and over-articulate Greenwich-sounding tight-neck-muscled affectations. She will sound like a robot from Talbot�s and you will have to look at something real and grounding while you listen to her, like the dictionary or your cat. Just the artificiality of it creeped me out something awful. Of course she assured me that they would keep my account on file in case I change my mind. How nice of them.

Word of the Day for Wednesday July 10, 2002:

extirpate EK-stur-payt, transitive verb:

1. To pull up by the stem or root.

2. To destroy completely.

3. To remove by surgery.

A plant growing where it shouldn't is a weed. An object for which you have no need or sentimental attachment is garbage. Extirpate the one, toss the other. --Philip Kennicott, "The Symphony's Misbegotten 'Moon,'" [1]Washington Post, January 14, 2000

There had been no great missionary impulse in the Turkish incursions, no urge to extirpate the old ways. --Fouad Ajami, "The Glory Days of the Grand Turk," [2]New York Times, May 2, 1999

If Soviet espionage or capitalist plots against the Soviet Union are malignant growths, it requires a professional to extirpate them by methods as unkind to random bystanders as

radiation may be to healthy tissue. --Robert Leachman, "Super Thrillers and Super Powers," [3]New York Times, February 19, 1984

Extirpate derives from Latin ex(s)tirpare, "to tear up by the root, hence to root out, to extirpate," from ex-, "from" + stirps, "the stalk or stem or a tree or other plant, with the roots."

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