Why do they make teapots in shapes that make it impossible to get all of the water out? I�m on my second teapot now and it�s starting to show signs of rust. I think I�ll probably break down and buy that red Le Creuset number I�ve been eyeing forever at Tags.

Mention of teapots automatically diminishes the interest of entry by 49%, much like wearing (most) sneakers diminishes attractiveness by some 71%.

Yoga last night at the Y with Kristin and Julie and an instructor whose voice and mannerisms resembled those of TV�s David Hyde Pierce. And I�m prematurely trying on my bikini. I�m so lazy. Either that or I have to cut myself down.

I know I�m the biggest dork on the planet (and the first to declare it) but I�m so excited that John Edward is on.

It all comes in a beautifully wrapped pink basket with a huge personalized card and shoes up in the lobby of my favorite villain/vulture right now:

1. VHS Copy of Celine Dion�s VH1 Divas performance.

2. Fake copy of Heart of the Ocean diamond necklace.

3. Red satin sleep mask with �PRINCESS� bedazzled on it in rhinestones

4. Hand-painted Mexican sunset tambourine adorned with royal purple ribbons. �If you clumsily hit her like your fingers are sausages and your hands spicy hams, she will recoil in disgust.�

5. And thanks to the suggestion of a good friend, cheapo plastic party favor tiaras and Burger King crowns scattered all about.

I�m not feeling very humoroso right now. I need to take my unhumorosoness out to the unhumoroso pasture and humorocize it and show it who its humoroso dad is.

In other news, just a reminder that Japan is my dad.

As we speak, people all over the world are e-nailing each other. Heh.

As one of my friends was saying the other day, so much �real� news reads like The Onion. �FAA Bans Planes Near Landmarks.� Awww� how nice of them! Maybe while they�re at it they can �Ban Planes In Buildings.�

Ok. In order to avoid the much dreaded Nippleland I�ve got to find my damn strapless bra so I can wear my new bargain basement find: baby blue terry halter with a small fawn on it.

It was like, oh I don�t know, 1000�1500� yesterday? Today�s hot too.