Humans: Now fortified with 33% more Stupid!

Welcome to the Morning Jenn. The Jenn who can�t sleep because she�s pissed off and creeped out at the same time.

Humans. Fucking humans. Peeing on seats and not cleaning it up, leaving their gorgeous flowing pub hairs on toilets in bars across America, making blanket statements, trying to steal intellectual property, and now ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment, mail tampering! Some fuck-nut took my fucking mail! Some guttersnipe ripped open my priority mail envelope from my sister and her family and took the contents! Can we say, �up to three years in prison and a $1000 fine�?

Whoever did it left the empty envelope, a crumpled note from my sister and a Disney bag with two postcards in it in the magazine-recycling crate. So I called my sister this morning and she�s like, �What a loser! They stole that?� And I�m all, �What did they steal?� And it turns out it was like two little things I bought in Disney a few years ago that somehow ended up in her closet. Shit-fo�s!

Greetings Jenn -- Here is your horoscope for Sunday, July 21:

Stay calm and rational. Anyone heartless enough to tease you doesn't deserve a response. As long as you believe in a just world, sooner or later the circumstances will avenge you.

Uh-huh.

And now I sit here, feeling like mosquitoes are nipping at my skin. I hate mosquitoes and they LOVE me. This is a blanket statement I feel comfortable making. My father and I have something in our blood that makes us virtually irresistible to these freaking shit-wads of the insect world. I should be in the �Guide to Protecting Yourself from the West Nile Virus� under��if you find any of these animals dead, consult authorities.� Aren�t nipples just mosquito bites after all is said and done, I mean, seriously. That reminds me of an outing to Graydon Pond with my sister and niece maybe thirteen years or so ago. I was standing on line for the snack bar, where, lo and behold, a young boy was discovering his nipples for the first time. Pointing at them, he repeated to his mother, again and again, �Look Mom�I got sunburned right here and here!� Whereupon she replied, quietly and annoyed, �Shhh� be quiet.�

In other news, I had a lovely sandwich and conversation at The Other Side with Kristin last night when attempts to see Neil Finn play were foiled by, well, uh, lack of tickets. But I did get a good look at his Hot Tour Bus. She laughed when I told her that the most memorable line to me, out of the stellar series Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin, is when Anna Madrigal says to Edgar Halcyon about the sandwich, �It�s made from focaccia bread!� Ok, so how, exactly, does one make something from focaccia? Is it a piece of focaccia between two pieces of focaccia? This has always bothered me. And often when I eat a sandwich I remember this, say it, and whoever I�m with looks at me like I�m crazy. Another line from the same scene that surfaces whilst sandwich-eating is Edgar Halcyon�s, �I�m going to finish this sandwich!� Ok, Mr. States The Obvious. I need to write Mr. Maupin about this scene and ask him if he was wanking it mid-type. But do rent the mini-series. It�s all about San Francisco in the 70�s and it�s funny and intriguing, filled with public baths, the marijuana cigarettes, men dressed as nuns roller-skating and lots of mystery. And a fabulous cast.

If anyone wonders what Chl�e Webb did after Sid & Nancy well, here she is, playing Mona Ramsey! And lucky for all of us, she isn�t yelling �SIIIIIIIID!� She does yell �Crotch!� though.

Now I feel better and will go back to sleep for a little while.

Word of the Day for Sunday July 21, 2002:

bumptious BUMP-shuhs, adjective:

Crudely, presumptuously, or loudly self-assertive.

The clown in the girl is bumptious as can be: bouncing about in the peaked cap and oversized coat of a boy she hasn't learned to love yet, pacing in lockstep behind a fellow-lodger for the sheer love of badgering him, blowing out her cheeks like a fussed walrus when crossed. --Walter Kerr, "'Anne Frank' Shouldn't Be Anne's Play," [1]New York Times, January 7, 1979

Still a tremendous singer and a man so confident of his own sex appeal that he could make the most outrageously bumptious behaviour seem not only engaging but also entirely natural. --David Sinclair, "Larger than life and twice as rocky," [2]Times (London), March 13, 2000

Wells did not meet his father until he was an adult, by which time he had developed his own blunt, sometimes bumptious personality. --George Vecsey, "An Outsider Who Became an Insider," [3]New York Times, October 7, 1998

Bumptious is perhaps a blend of bump and presumptuous.