I�d like to just share my love with you all and dedicate this Deep and Meaningful Shakira lyric to you:

Underneath your clothes/There�s an endless story/There�s the [readers/peanut butter cup guy] I �chose�/There�s my territory/And all the things I deserve/For being such a good girl, honey

It was touch and go for awhile there when we first got to the Hotel Hershey. The elevator opened to reveal a human-in-Reese�s-peanut-butter-cup-costume, grinning ubiquitously and waving. I can�t stand stuff in costumes like this. Pink birthday gorillas, dancing bananas, you name it. I think this falls somewhere near my strange hatred for audience participation. Anyway, one might call me an anti-furry (which raises the question in my mind�do fursuiters like to have sex solely with people dressed in mascot outfits, i.e. something with plush/animal form, or will big candy bars and Conan�s Gaseous Wiener do?). Mr. I�m hiding behind my Reese�s cup-face waved and pointed at our luggage the entire time we rode the, well, one floor up to our rooms and I tried to look away in the cramped brass-clad ten-square-foot space. Did I mention I don�t like elevators either?

Some reasons I don�t like people dressed as things/animals (there are exceptions of course):

1. You can�t see their eyes. The face and eyes are a big indicator of intent and in turn moral climate.

2. They don�t talk. Word choice is also indicative of intent. This is partly why my dad�s girlfriend took a little longer than many to show her true colors�she does not have a good grasp of the English language and therefore deliberately and carefully, and not always successfully, chooses each word.

3. You can�t tell where they�re looking. It�s like dark sunglasses��. I get creeped out when the gold-toothed guy ogles my boobs/sniffs me at the store 24. Putting on a Reese�s outfit doesn�t change that.

4. They�re just weird. What sense does a giant chocolate make? How is a giant pink gorilla dancing to a tinny taped version of �Baby Got Back� enjoyable? As you know, I do like many things that don�t make sense, like Japanese candy and toys that poop. They�re small and easy to handle. And don�t reach out and grab you.

5. I don�t like strangers/things that reach out and grab you.

6. They usually wear polyester and for the most part inhabit warm climates and Minnie Mouse shouldn�t smell like BO, don�t you think?

7. The sound of their polyester sleeves rubbing against the large cotton stuffed body, usually of an equally scratchy material. Their muteness makes this rubbing noise somewhat amplified and therefore chilling.

8. When they put their arms around you when you have your picture taken they're all humanly warm, and their muteness must swarm around inside their plastic heads like silent hornets of reticence, and is so obvious (it's almost as if they're holding their breath) that it's like an elephant in the middle of the room that no one is talking about.

As we were waiting for the valet to bring our car so that we could hit the local antique mall* Mr. Reese�s was standing outside by the shuttle bus to welcome the yet-to-arrive throngs, and turned to spy us and wave emphatically. He tried to seem sad because we were leaving but could only point to the car and shrug. He wasn�t built for sad, what with the giant grin. I put my head down and walked quickly to the car, avoiding his gaze. My sister explained, calling to him, �We�re just going to the antique mall. We�ll be back,� feeling some need to let the peanut butter cup know we�d return lest he commit suicide.

I should add that I was on the first day of my period and therefore the giant ambulating cheery chocolate seemed (as everything usually does when Aunt Flo arrives) like a cruel joke. I was expecting to find Mr. Reese�s in my bed when I returned from shopping. Luckily there were four kisses there instead. I hope he didn't poop them out himself.

*Purchased three lovely green milk glass plates that are going on my wall, yes, my WALL� plates are going on my WALL� next to my atomic green curtain panels; also broke/bought what was marked as �colonial man� picking up two little green lampshades for the chandelier that Brent broke while lost in the dance. Luckily �colonial man� only cost me $1.25 and I�ve yet to decide if I�ll glue his head back on, or display him d�capit�.

For those of you who have asked, the word of the day comes from dictionary.com. Subscribe here!

Word of the Day for Monday August 12, 2002:

dubiety doo-BY-uh-tee; dyoo-, noun:

1. The condition or quality of being doubtful or skeptical.

2. A matter of doubt

Kennedy and O'Connor may think that Title 3 has been violated, but O'Connor and the chief justice are not convinced that the Supreme Court was meant to litigate challenges under that federal statute, and their dubiety here is shared by Justices Scalia and Souter. --Hadley Arkes, "A Morning at the Court," [1]National Review, December 2, 2000

Despite a lack of forensic evidence, dubiety among the police themselves and inaccuracies in Raymond's confession, he was finally found guilty. --Maggie Barry, "I've been a screen for the person who killed Pamela," [2]The Mirror, August 10, 2002

Here, the historical evidence would seem to be tricky but free from all dubieties. --Paul Taylor, "A mechanical science lesson," [3]Independent, November 21, 2001

I want every inconsistency, every dubiety, every ambiguity left in. --David Maclean, quoted in David Hencke, "Tories plot hunt bill dirty tricks," [4]The Guardian, January 17, 2001

Dubiety is from Late Latin dubietas, from Latin dubius, "doubtful, uncertain."