I woke up thinking that I need to send a sympathy card to good friends of my family and when I thought of the daughters� names, Danielle and Leslie, I realized that both of them have names like kittens yawning in the sun and it let me into a little part of their mother who just passed away, in that she chose these names for her daughters. That got me going about people�s names and how they have always evoked an image in my head, most strongly when I was very young. Just the sound of the name would jam an image onto my mind�s eye and in many cases still hasn�t gone away. What�s odd is that my own name eludes me. I�m like the John Edward of names. So I began thinking about those names and allowed some more to flow. The image of the name has really nothing to do with the person him or herself. Since I am a strange bird I shall share some with you:

Gregory: A boy in blue feet pajamas lying down with his legs doing a bicycle motion on a mattress with no sheets.

Shawn: Petting a big black dog in one long stroke.

Kristin: A delicious yellowish cracker.

Brent: Toast and warm.

Joel: A lollipop with lots of drool on it.

Will: A soft black beard.

Karen: Raisins.

Todd: Ken doll lack of genitalia.

Bart: Smelly breath and old bread.

Susan: Tootsie Roll.

Stan: Comb-over.

Lily: Too much perfume in the moist armpits and a white sleeveless blouse.

Sarah: A tear tattoo under the eye.

Mandy: Jelly shoe.

Laura: A large tongue and brown hair.

Tom: A leathery sole that just lies there.

Kendra: A big Dracula collar.

Dave: A wave of creamy peanut butter.

Tim: Poking the belly.

Timothy: A small cute rabbit with a pink nose.

Maurice: Mysterious.

Frank: Tart and cooked and drawn.

Maya: Wantonly emerging from a tepid pond with flowers.

Jason: Overall buckles.

Connor: Barking baby birds.

Raymond: Nostrils and a strong back.

Pam: A perfectly yellow omelet in the sun. No brown.

Pamela: That omelet cooking, right at the moment when you fold it.

Al: Down home and fun.

Alan: Air Supply on the Jet Stream.

Harold: Curly armpit hair and commanding posture.

Lewis: Good times.

Louie: Good times with dancing.

Jessica: A very delicate egg with a hairline crack.

Tony: A smooth snail shell and perfectly buffed toenails.

Rhonda: An elephant�s foot presses down while a large butt sits simultaneously. Fart horns.

Nathan: Thin meat and flared nostrils.

Stephanie: The toes of velvet mary-janes.

Cheryl: A twisty beehive hairdo and a soft-serve twist in a cone.

Paul: Solemn, dark, and heavy, but not in a bad way. The bearer of difficulty.

Tammy: Drum skins and taffy.

Lorna: Tying a cherry stem with one�s tongue and big curly hair.

Samantha: A sleek shiny black or white cat hopping up on the stairs.

Deanna: Lasso at cocktail parties.

Ben: A bear with a sweet nose.

Howard: The smell of bathroom and newspaper entwined.

Ron: A flattened skull.

Laertes: Bridge over white caps.

Elliot: Robotic milquetoast.

Lance: Lunge forward with your rapier, young man.

Jane: Sweet candy, mostly sour apple jolly ranchers, but sweeter.

Ned: Bald, jerking the head backwards.

Scott: An unruly poof of hair on the head, someone holding another by the neck and making the hair poof more, head-bang style, but only once.

Regina: Glands that are inexplicable.

Some names look like what they represent, like John looks like a clean toilet flushing and Oliver tastes briny. Similarly, Mark looks like a beauty mark above the lip and Isabel is a pretty little brass bell and Harry is hairy. Names consisting of initials elude me, such as TJ, RJ, and the like. Except for CJ, and that�s because Baywatch made it into an image of a big titted red speedo running. That�s why it upsets me when my family calls my three-year-old niece Catherine Jeanne �CJ,� but I can�t quite articulately explain why.

I encourage parents to use my name list. Readings of additional names furnished upon request.