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2:54 p.m. : 2002-08-16 : Forgive me for making you hear my balalaikas ringing out!

Happy Elvis Death Anniversary to all of you sexy Epistlers out there. Let�s all tell The King, �Rest in peace, dammit!�

I also decree we gather all of our friends and indulge in some of his favorite delicious gastronomic pleasure inducers.

So in a twisted tribute to The King I am going to ramble about the Beatles. I think it�s appropriate, in a way, as the Beatles absolutely worshipped him and credit him for much inspiration.

Finally the Beatles got to hang with The King at his castle. They jammed a little and Paul taught Elvito a couple hot bass lines. Priscilla was ushered in like a prize heifer and promptly escorted out by the Elvis Mafia or whatever they were called, lest the dirty little eyes of the boys from Liverpool bore tetanus-inducing sores on her hot young bod. I have a feeling Elvis was a self-loathing Jealous Guy, not unlike many boy pop/rock stars who need constant ego stroking. Anyway, the Beatles had a lovely time and thought the feeling was mutual, to find out later that Elvis was trying to convince the FBI to keep the Beatles out of the states, citing that they were �drug users.� Love it! The King was pissed because his place on the charts was being usurped by the Beatles and I guess really believed he was not just The King of Rock �n Roll but the true and actual KING of ALL (I do love him, of course). He actually believed he could keep them out of the country. Needless to say, it didn�t work. Footnotes furnished upon request. And this is funny.

I am a nightmare to listen to the Beatles with, I must tell you. I get people into my car, lock it up, hahahahaha and rail away to the White Album as I careen down the highway at 85mph.

�Did you know this song is about Paul�s dog?� (�Martha My Dear�)

�Did you know this song presents a blatant comparison/equalization of the US and the USSR? And the song itself is meant to mollify through revealing similarity? Listen to the Beach Boys reference��Those Ukraine girls really knock me out (ooooo)�blah blah�and Georgia�s always on my my my my my my my my my mind,� you know, like �California Girls.� It�s like they�re showing how similar the US and the USSR, um, are, by paralleling them in song.� (�Back in the USSR�)

�Did you know Charles Manson was right about this song, because Paul confirmed it, that it�s a call to the black community to rise up?� (�Blackbird�)

�Check out how John uses �Christ� as both an expletive as well as appealing to Christ himself, when he sings, �Christ, you know it ain�t easy/You know how hard it can be/The way things are going/They�re gonna crucify me.� And he�s subtly referencing that whole misunderstood �We�re more popular than Jesus� thing. John liked Jesus and I think related to him in several ways, especially the misunderstanding and persecution. But I don�t think he ever considered himself really and truly rightfully as big as Jesus. He was pointing out the strange/frightening fact that people consider pop stars/celebrities in general to be deities. He didn�t like that. So to say, �Christ, you know it ain�t easy� and �they�re gonna crucify me� has dual meaning�of course Christ knows it ain�t easy because he was crucified. And then some guy comes along and kills John Lennon. To have his name tied with John�s for eternity. It�s ironic, really.� (�Ballad of John and Yoko�)

�Have you ever noticed the way John smirks when he says �And I do appreciate your being round?� I think he really means round in shape, not simply as an abbreviation for �around,� and that he enjoys the roundness of her, boobies and ass and all. And that he�s feeling �down� is not just about mood but about his flaccid penis! John had a dirty dirty sense of humor.� (�Help�)

�Don�t you think John�s talking about lesbians? �Come together, over me�?� (�Come Together�)

Every six months I go through a huge Beatles phase, gobbling them up with all my might, jamming my arms in the air in praise of the miracle that is this band. They�re better than Xanax (I think� being that I�ve had two Xanax bopping together in my pill box for at least a year and have yet to pop one) and Brent even knows to sit me on the couch and put on Abbey Road if I get agitated from crowds and too much iced coffee.

I had a strange dream last night about �The One.� I�ve never seen him before. He was of course tall, dark and handsome (a touch like Kyle McLaughlin circa Twin Peaks but darker and better looking). And silly. Oh was he silly. He was wearing a perfectly pressed grasshopper green suit with short-ish pants and had a guitar slung over his back. He was there to fight something evil for me, in some sort of trial, and before he went we hugged and I fit perfectly nestled under his arm. I feel kind of guilty about having this dream except that unfortunately most dreams are not meant to be taken literally.

Who knows how long I've loved you

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime

If you want me to�I will.

For if I ever saw you

I didn't catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart.

And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

You know I will

I will.

�Paul, White Album

Word of the Day for Friday August 16, 2002:

aplomb uh-PLOMM, noun:

Assurance of manner or of action; self-possession; confidence; coolness.

Then, unexpectedly, she picked up a microphone and began to sing. She sang several songs, handling herself with the aplomb of a professional entertainer. --"Rediscovering Japanese Life at a Bike's Pace," [1]New York Times, April 24, 1988

For all the slings and arrows, he [Dan Quayle] seems almost [2]preternaturally good-natured; set upon by a group of drunken [3]revelers at dinner in Des Moines... he weathers their boozy [4]blandishments and inevitable potato jokes with admirable grace and aplomb. --"Quayle Running Against His Own Image," [5]Los Angeles Times, August 1, 1999

His initial broadcasting success was due at least as much to his considerable professional aplomb as it was to his father's broadcasting connections. --John A. Jackson, American Bandstand: Dick Clark and the Making of a Rock 'n' Roll Empire

Aplomb is from the French word meaning "perpendicularity, equilibrium, steadiness, assurance," from the Old French phrase a plomb, from a, according to (from Latin ad) + plomb, lead weight (from Latin plumbum, lead).

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All material on this site �2001 to the present copyrighted Ruby Fuss Inc. except where otherwise noted, quoted, or linked. Design �poo designs with colors and images by Ruby Fuss and other parties noted and linked (Scientist graphic by busy-milkman). To quote Sailor Jerry, "Steal [it] and we will sue you." Stir and enjoy!