How, pray tell, are the staunch fear-based rhetoric-loving Republicans going to spin Dubya�s dazzling ineptitude in the matter of hurricane Katrina? Zealous conservatives tend not to excel at the arts but I think we�re going to see some truly creative stuff in the coming months.

�We had no idea the levees would break.� WHAT? I know his schoolin� didn�t really sink in and he don�t know much about history, don�t know much biology, but are you kidding me? Those people have been trying to get money for the levees for so freaking long. When the French arrived in New Orleans it was dry, so they built, not realizing that everything would flood out later. So of course, it flooded out, and they built this levee. And the levee is a fantastic item, a thrill of engineering, BUT it blocked the natural flow of the Mississippi who, big and proud and runnin� through a huge part of North America, created and maintained the expansive marshlands that run along the coast of Louisiana. So of course the river got in and flooded periodically and they made the levee better and better. But now that the Mississippi isn�t nourishing the marshlands, the protection by that natural born delta has been greatly diminished and erodes (if that�s the right word) at an alarming speed. Experts have suggested that a storm of a lesser magnitude could have done the same thing, what with the levee in disrepair and the eroding marshlands. So if you�re going to lie, Dubya, at the very least, make sure it�s something we can�t easily figure out.

But isn�t that just his total way? To totally not care about what comes out of his mouth? From regular old bullshit bad grammar, mispronunciation, misuse of vocabulary, to pretending everything is fine and that we�ve had the same plan all along in Iraq even though the story has changed at least three times. God (or whomever) is all about free will, I�m pretty sure, but I feel like that pretzel-choking incident was His or Her attempt at a little karma and a little shot at trying to help the people of this world by choking that man.

God was all, �I can�t believe this guy! Get a load of what�s coming out of his mouth! I just can�t resist putting something in his mouth a keeping it there in his throat so he just can�t talk because somebody�s gotta so something. This is not what I intended!!!� I don�t believe in a God who would strike one down in one�s tracks for misbehaving but Dubya does, doesn�t he? But alas, the pretzel is moot having made its way in or out or wherever. It was embarrassing, though, but nothing compared to his policy. Someday, the Ken Burns of the next generation or the one after that is going to write a stunning biography on Dubya, chronicling the events of our time and tie it together beautifully with a grand flourish. The writer will expose the pretzel incident as a perfect metaphor for Dubya�s career and life. Oh, had that pretzel only done what God sent it here to do, that writer will sigh. But the pretzel had other plans and Dubya is, of course, from Texas and while he may look smallish, he will not go down without a fight.

To answer my own question about how the staunch guys are going to spin this, well, they�re not getting very creative yet. It takes awhile for the little lights in the eyes to rev up to full tilt, you know, when you spend your life adhering to your rhetoric like holding onto a tree during a flood, you don�t have energy for much else. So basically, right now, they�re saying that no one should be pointing fingers at Dubya, that it�s not his fault, and that it�s the state�s responsibility to pick up the pieces and it�s the fault of the people in New Orleans who CHOSE not to leave � you know, those people who, not very intelligently, didn�t have about a thousand dollars to get out and stay in a hotel, you know, those people who didn�t have limbs to carry them out of there, those newborn babies who didn�t have the good sense to fucking grow up already and learn how to walk and get out of there, those people who didn�t have the good sense to fucking beat their cancer already and strip all of those wires and IV�s from their bodies and walk on outta there. SHAME on you people for not being more able-bodied and not having more money. SHAME.

So yeah, that�s basically the spin. What�s nice, of course, is that the thinking folks, when confronted with those slow�uns on their blogs and whatnot, just tell the truth and those people never post again. What can they possibly say? So I guess they�re just sitting at home right now, inside their craniums a tiny Tony Orlando and Dawn rubbing two sticks together to try to make sense of the world, trying to figure out, really, how Dubya�s succeeded again on this one. Perhaps over the next few months we will see a lot of confetti in the streets and around � I think spontaneous head explosions will be a new trend among those staunch rhetoric-loving Republicans.

I really need to get off my soapbox and go outside to enjoy this beautiful day. I�m all Mr. Burnsy and withered, hunched at my computer, while the kids who don�t have asthma are outside playing stickball. It�s times like these I wish I liked top 40 music because it really seems to amp those people up who, er, like top 40 music. Oh iTunes� there we go. �Hollaback Girls� is embarrassingly doing it for me. I must admit. I cannot tell a lie. It's my shit.