�I hate you, and I hate your ASS FACE!� --Corky St. Clair

So, yes I know it�s television and probably not worth discussing, but why in the hell do they have Melissa Joan Hart dancing for the entire beginning credits of Sabrina when she totally can�t get down at all? And don�t get me wrong�I really like her, I mean, as much as I can having never met her and rarely watching her show. I did thoroughly enjoy Clarissa Explains it All, though. I love how when Sam would come through her window the whammy guitar would play. Nickelodeon had some really great shows when I was a kid. The Adventures of Pete and Pete was probably my favorite and I was really probably already too old to be watching it but I enjoy quality children�s programming. If it�s quality, I think it�s quality for everyone and not just kids. I liked Fifteen on Nick too, although not because it was quality, but because it was pretty bad and was totally full of entertaining Canadian accents. �What are you talking a-boat man?�

So the other night I was at the B-Side, with Julie, and Brent came after work. It seems they do quite a bit of dancing at the Grill and Brent said he�d been doing the Mick Jagger chicken dance quite a bit, and upon demonstrating it to us, Julie proclaimed in her Irish accent, �He does it with such grace, doesn�t he.� And he does. Apparently he and S. have been fake tap-dancing at work quite a bit, throwing up their arms and kicking their legs like you would expect Bill Cosby to do. S. seems to have brought quite a few new dance moves to the restaurant. And according to Brent he �really loves to have his wrists up high and close to his body, like on either side of his chest, with his jazz hands sticking out.� !!! So one day they had a fish taco special at the restaurant and while Brent was plating it he asked J. �How do you do the taco?� And right at that moment S. came over and said, �Like this�� and proceeded to rock forward and backward jerkily with one hand sticking out and shaking close to his crotch and the other hand behind him near his butt doing the same. So now The Taco is a popular dance loved by creatures great and small.

�Jumpin� Jehosephat! I�m needed somewhere right now to jump to the side!�

I�m also more excited about the dancing Julie and I will get to do in Das Otto Cats (our 80�s cover band) than the music itself. I think when we finally play out we�ll have to walk up to the stage, collars up, spinning every once in awhile, a la Buckaroo Banzai. And I think the boys should have to do that side jump thing made popular in the 80�s by Michael J. Fox in the Back to the Future movies and Kevin Bacon in Footloose. The way I see it, in order for the 80�s cover band to not be a total bomb one must go over the top with dorkiness. Seriousness makes one look like a really big dork in a case such as this. You know, like the jutting of the chin whilst playing a rhythmic guitar line. Of course if it�s sarcastic or ironic jutting, that changes the whole climate, you know? There was this guy my brother in law used to play with and he did the stupid jutting chin thing with a big grin and wore big white high tops and yet for some reason I still had kind of a crush on him against my better judgement and he was a total hooker and for some reason I was even tickled when my sister told me after mentioning to my brother in law in front of said hookerish guy that I didn�t know what I was going to wear to my show he said, �she�s worried, with tits like that?� and it made me feel kinda dirty that I kinda liked him because he generally liked pretty stupid chicks and when he went to see Fiona Apple and she freaked out that time and was in tears and having a breakdown on stage he said it really turned him on to �watch that little ass going and watch her pulling on her gnarled hair� and something about having sex with a psycho. I don�t know. He was kind of despicable and I found myself flirting with him anyway but luckily nothing ever came of it and I think I was only attracted to his eyes that kind of looked like Amy Smart�s. He was like a boy Amy Smart with a receding hairline.

Someone googled me with �Sussudio Description.� And I�m sorry, I don�t have one.