I�ve spent entirely too long today searching online in vain for this specific cartoon sound effect. I don�t even know what to call it. It is somewhere between a bite and a crunch. You know the sound I�m talking about? I found a crunch but it�s too realistic. This one would be used in the case of a cartoon character biting some other cartoon character� Or maybe a newsboy biting a coin to make sure it�s real. I did find a wet splat, a realistic whip cracking and a rather nice boing. But no crunch/bite. Damn! I even found a Siamese cat meow that I�ve been using to torture Tigger. Hehehe. Maybe I�ll just order the Hanna-Barbera sound effects cd. I wouldn�t mind having that little string plucking sound they use when people run away and the bongo sound Fred Flinstone�s feet make when he�s starting his car. Actually, I bet the crunch/bite will be on it too. I can picture Fred biting into a turkey leg with that sound effect. Or a wooly mammoth accidentally biting into some rock. What will I do with this sound effect, you ask? I have no idea. I�ll have to put it at the beginning or end of one of my songs. Maybe somewhere in the middle. Oh my God� I just looked up the cd set and it�s $495.00! That�s one expensive crunch/bite.

So check this creepy action: Now that my entries have become part of GOOGLE AT LARGE, I can check the referrer pages in my stats section of diaryland. To all of you diary peeps this is no news. But I got kind of creeped out to see that someone searched for �my sister asked me to fuck her� and one of my entries came up because I had all of those words in separate places in the entry. Word! And then they actually click on it. Oh well. It�s the Internet. I was doing a search for Charlie�s Kitchen one night to see if they had a web site and if so, what time Red Telephone would be playing that night. Well, they didn�t have a site but I found this guy Mark�s live journal site where he was talking about how hot and sexy this Charlie�s bartender, Angie, is, and how he wants her. Now that in itself is all well and good except that I know Angie and she�s a sweetheart. And Mark is in this band whose name I won�t mention (they�re ok�kind of shoegazer stuff) that a couple of my friends and I saw after another friend�s band played at the Kirkland. We were feeling socially lubricated and invited them to my Halloween party that was a few days later. Several of them came and Mark was a big asshole, marched in here all James Iha without the street cred�he actually grabbed my guitar out of my hands while I was playing one of my songs for Christine and Eliot and began to play. Mind you, he brought a guitar with him that night as he was posing as �Rock Star.� Yes, I meant the quotation marks. The next day he sent out an email announcing their next show and said he had been to the �best Halloween party of the season.� Yeah.

So I�m trying to Feng Shui my apartment. I started by clearing my mom�s clothes out of my closet. I decided that it had to be pretty bad Feng Shui to have my clothes all out in bags on the floor while my mom�s clothes all hang unworn in the closet. They are beautiful clothes, just not really my style. I kept a few things in there�an all-purpose smart black suit and a plum suit with satin piping and covered buttons. Maybe I�ll wear it to tea at the Ritz. I�ve been using this Feng Shui kit and according to my compass, where my TV is has too much yang. Yin is feminine, watery and cool and yang is masculine, heavy and hot. It makes sense�electronics are yang, heat is yang and I have a space heater over there. Maybe if I hang a pretty kimono on the wall that will add a little yin. We�ll see. People think the whole Feng Shui thing is insane but I think that�s just because we didn�t grow up with it. I�m not saying we should obsess over it, but it doesn�t take a genius to know that furniture placement makes a difference. Ask a Pats fan this Sunday if the couch feels better to them facing the TV or facing the wall. I doubt they�ll say it doesn�t matter. I think Feng Shui is just a step up from that. There are so many things we can learn from Eastern culture, I think. Why not? Just because it came from �over there� doesn�t mean it doesn�t work. I don�t think my closet being filled with my dead mother�s clothes is healthy for me. Now if I could just do something about this clutter. I�m not going to change my whole house because a little compass tells me the position of my forks is not auspicious. But I will try to do something about the cat poo that�s practically on the front door. That can�t be encouraging the ch�i to flow.

I�ll write more later� I know it�s been a little while. Wil messaged me today, �Newport is still excellent?" Yeah, yeah� It�s just the damn winter and I�m still fighting this cold that has morphed into a sore throat.

There�s a picture of Madonna with her arms in the air on the pop-up AOL page and she looks like a frog. Of course AOL makes it so that you can�t capture the image so I can't share all of its froggy goodness with ya's. Bleh.