I can’t tell you how freaking many hits I get from someone putting “sexydance” in Google. But I did get a hit from “rainbow sweatband” today. That’s something!

I want to call it “Gügle.”

I feel shitty

Oh so shitty

Like a Scritti Politti soufflé

And this ditty

Makes me want to vomit more, all day

I’m not charming

Or disarming

It’s alarming, I feel like dead veal

And so shitty

I feel like I’m my own third wheel

See the shitty girl in the mirror there

Who can that inactive girl be?

Such a shitty face

Such a shitty dress

Such a shitty smile

Such a shitty me

A lot of fucking good the Head Aid tea does when it’s coming back up.

For some reason this really made me laugh today:

Definitions of black crappie:

•noun: a crappie that is black

Nothing a little Afro Ken can’t cure. Wait. That’s not true. I still want to vomit.

I read somebody’s profile today that said “I hate Jesus.” While that may seem like the “cool thing to do” it’s kind of impossible… I mean, have you ever met the guy? I guess you can say you hate Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer or something… although it’s kind of “cool” to like serial killers so I guess she wouldn’t say that. Oh well. This from a girl who’s vegan cuz the boy she hearts is (even though she goes on and on about how she’s not doing it cuz he is). Why do I bother getting irritated? I could give a shit what/who people like/hate. I just have a huge problem with the ignorance that parades as cool and alternative in this society. And isn’t it about time people really got it through their fucking heads what a strong word “hate” is? And what it means? Anyway, I feel shitty so it makes me want tell someone to fuck off, capiche? And I just shove-worthy love when people join my rings and I go check out their stuff and it’s all negative and pissantish. Oh joy, I’m eighteen again!

I’m really in the Schmidt house today. The fact that I’m using a punch line from my Members Only brother-in-law is proof.

Word of the Day for Thursday July 25, 2002:

factotum \fak-TOH-tuhm\, noun:

A person employed to do all kinds of work or business.

Mr. Hersey thus became Mr. Lewis's summertime factotum, copying pages of a play that Lewis was writing about Communism. --Richard Severo, "John Hersey, Author of Hiroshima,' Is Dead at 78," [1]New York Times, March 25, 1993

She is a blind, paraplegic forensic hypnotist, and he is her brother and general factotum. --Newgate Callendar, "Spies & Thrillers," [2]New York Times, July 31, 1994

Factotum is from Medieval Latin, from Latin fac totum, "do everything," from facere, "to do" + totus, "all."