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4:34 p.m. : 2002-05-16 : hammygrabadora!

�Sopa Hecha Del Cerdo!

Suppe gebildet vom Schweinefleisch!

Minestra fatta da porco!

You like pork? Soup made from pork?

I�ve got to try this Shandy Carib� only 1.2% alcohol� it�s lager with sorrel flavor and this picture does not do justice to the kitschy red liquid that tempted me at Liquor World the other day. I just love that it�s called Shandy. Sometimes I like to repeat funny words until everyone realizes how funny they are. Sometimes they think it�s funny and sometimes they think it�s weird. Anyway, Shandy is one of those words. So is the Spanish word for VCR, videograbadora.

Here�s a review of Shandy from Maxim.com:

The Sorrel Shandy screams FD&C Red No.5: Even the frothy head is magenta. Though this �beer� is somewhat reminiscent of the manly snakebite�that mixture of lager and cider the pale-but-burly English quaff�this one�s sweetness and pinkness render it an unapologetic chick drink. (Not a bad thing to have on hand if you plan on snaring an island girl.)

Tasting notes: Has aromatic notes of cream soda, marshmallow, and herbs; the flavor is sweet, with hints of mint and cinnamon-heart candy. Let us reiterate: You drink the Dragon; she drinks the Sorrel.

I also want to try it because Shandy reminds me of the funny Ween song �Pandy Fackler.� Sounds dirty, right? But I�ve yet to figure out exactly what it means. Kind of like Shandy. Ween has lots of funny song names. At no other concert would you have a yellowshirted chubsville frat boy screaming red-faced �POOOP SHIP! POOP SHIP DESTROOOOOOOYER!� I remember it had annoyed us at the show because he was, well, loud and red-faced, but we all wisely nodded in those close quarters of the Somerville Theatre mezzanine because we knew it would be really funny later. And it still is to this day.

I�m in a weird mood today. Allow me to share with you a strange story that has also, like Poop Ship, stuck with me all these years.

When I was at BU I used to take many a cab from Allston to class because I was a lazy mofo but we�re all slackass hoes now and again. Anyway, this one cab ride descended into Creepsville as we got closer to campus. The cab driver had some nondescript accent� maybe something Slavic� and I think he had a moustache. He began asking me questions about food and barely gave me time to answer. It went something like this:

�You like chips�

�Sure, I gue��

�You like soda?�

�Yeah, I gue��

�You like pizza?�

�Yeah, pizza�s��

�All American young peoples like bad food.�

~Here�s where I got a little pissed because if there�s anything I know how to do it�s eat.~

�Well actually I like really good food and I don�t really think that�s fair to��

�You like pork?�

�Yeah, pork�s��

�Soup made from pork?�

�Well, I like pea soup and that has ham in it so I guess so but it�s not really made from��

�You like beef.�

�Yeah, I like��

�Hahahahahahahaha! Boston Zoo! Boston Zoo!�

~This is where I politely asked him to pull over next to Guitar Center and I walked the rest of the way contemplating life and singing �These are the people in your neighborhood� to myself. I had tried to answer his questions as honestly as possible and was quite pleased with my pea soup reasoning. I don�t know what his deal was, though. And it is one of my wild hairs when people ask a question and then talk over the answer. This, is safe to say, is something I hate. And where is my Alex Rieger, anyway?~

So �soup made from pork� became a popular thing to repeat, not unlike Poop Ship, Pandy Fackler, videograbadora, and now Shandy. I even tried to get [email protected] but somebody else has it! So now I have [email protected] but it�s just not the same. The fun of grabadora is you can add any word to it and it�s non-stop party time.

You know what else is funny? When you sing �Poop ship, poop ship destroyer, poop ship, poop ship destroyer� to the tune of the Theme of I Dream of Jeannie.

I�m just too weird for this world today.

You wanna know how Republican my family can be? Whilst going through a bunch of my mom�s recipes I found one for �Nanny�s Potatoe Salad.� If it�s good enough for Dan Quayle, it�s good enough for us! I say we ALL choke on pretzels! Come on over here, big boy, and pat my Buchanan! Ouch, I pierced my Brosnan!

Does anybody remember that game �Pizza Party?� And the song on the commercial? That was really annoying.

UuuuH, hungowah� Osama needs a showah�

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