After much haranguing from my father, my sisters, brother, nieces and I begrudgingly agreed to sing carols and whatnot, in unison and harmony, at our h�ge Christmas party under the name, �The Family Songsters.� This was a Bing Crosby/Danny Kaye-esque/the stuff musicals are made of idea he cooked up while bored outta his gourd in Germany when my mother was undergoing crazy alternative treatment for ovarian cancer�hyperthermia, where they slowly and systematically raise your body temperature, and carnivora, an extract of the Venus fly trap. Cool, huh? He also made an extensive list of all the restaurants I should try in Boston, as he also practically memorized the Zagat�s guide for my humble city. I think I should have recommended several novels to him before they went. I would have had a hard time not recommending Thomas Mann�s Magic Mountain, because it seems so appropriate�tediously long and aptly about a grueling stay at a tuberculosis sanatorium, but totally wrong for the same reasons. Anyway, he was trying to keep himself busy, as we all were, and came up with this crazy notion to get us to all sing at our Christmas party. My mother was pretty sick at that point and so I guess my father thought our mutual humiliation would really cheer her up, of course with the best intentions. Or something. So his little scheme to do some �bercute 1940�s Hollywood musical extravaganza complete with hair combs, feather fans and tuxedos actually ended up looking like The Sound of Music had Federico Fellini directed it. We kept calling ourselves the Von Crapp family singers.

Bing and Louis Armstrong from my favorite Bing movie, and I think Cole Porter�s best work, High Society.

I�m having a Bing Crosby day. I believe I�ve said before that his voice is like a family member, similar to how Woody Allen�s astute use of early jazz, big band and Dixieland make New York City feel right and how Wes Anderson�s choice of that amazing Elliott Smith song in The Royal Tenenbaums makes you feel Richie�s suicide attempt so acutely. Bing has this great chill sound. It makes me want to golf. That, my dears, is sumpin� powerful.

�She started a heat wave/By letting her seat wave/And in such a way that the customers say that/She certainly can can-can.� OHMYGOD I love Cole Porter. Kurt Cobain wanted a Leonard Cohen afterworld. Give me a Cole Porter one. But cut out the verses. They go on ad nauseum. �Gee/Her anatomy/Makes the mercury/Go up to 93 Fahrenheit.� Go Cole, go Cole, it�s your birthday! Anyway, my sister Mary and I were talking about this particular Bing song �Have a Nice Day� where he sings, �When it all comes down I hope it doesn�t land on you� and I just had to hear it. I think that�s going to be my sig file. How big of a geek am I? I called my Dad and of course he knew immediately which Bing albums it was on. I opted for the Just Breezin� Along (as I have almost all of them, thanks to my Dad, as he is part of the Der Bingle fan club, and even gets special ones nobody else does so there and he even has one of his suits and a pair of his shoes!) but I�m going to have to dig up Bing and Basie too because I just love Count Basie THIS MUCH. Anyway, Just Breezin� Along has such goodies as �How are Things in Glocca-Morra?� �Cabaret� and �The Best Things in Life are Free.� If you want to have a Bing day too I highly recommend Bing Sings Whilst Bregman Swings, which may or may not be out of print. It�s damn hip. It�s like the definition of hip. And it�ll make you want to mow down whoever said �martinis are for squares.� I thought about turning the negroni into the new martini but I just can�t stand Campari. Maybe with a lot of sugar it�d be ok. Hmmm� as if I can SINGLEHANDEDLY turn anything into the new anything. I�m telling you�it�s the Bing. It�ll get ya all self-confident and shite. See, I love Sinatra. But they had this rivalry thing, kind of. I mean, they really actually liked each other, kind of like Nomar Garciaparra and Derek Jeter, short stops for the Red Sox and Yankees. My Dad has always felt that Sinatra got props where Bing should have. And I must agree. I mean, listen to Sinatra�s early work with the Dorsey band. He�s trying to sound like Bing. Sinatra just played it differently and had, um, shall we say, crooked nosed support. I think he feels about the Sinatra/Crosby situation the way I feel about corporate/indie rock. You know, what will people remember years from now as hip? And where�s the integrity at, man? Someone please snatch my beret and take the bongos away! I don�t know. As brilliant as On the Waterfront was, it�s too bad that Brando beat Bing out for the Oscar for Country Girl. Anyway, Bing�s musical repertoire runs the gamut from early Dixieland �mbwah mbwah mbwah mbwah� muted trumpets, 78 record surface noise and general crooneriffica (like that?) to smooth 70�s country-club xylophone tinkling, ascending flutes and gossamer strings. Plaid pants for EVERYONE! If you want I will give you a personalized Harry Lillis Crosby album choice, depending on several things. Think of it like a Bing mood ring. Tell me what you�re looking for. I promise there�s one for everyone. And don�t forget, he is the voice of Christmas. And I always thought he and my Granny would have made a really cute couple. They have similar noses.

Can I just tell you how freakin� cute my Mommy was? I was just going through some recipes my sister had given me of my Mom�s and Granny�s and there was one that had appeared in the Mahwah, New Jersey Women�s Club cookbook for �Delicious Apple Cake.� That is SO my Mom. I love it. Not just Apple Cake. DELICIOUS Apple Cake. She was so cute. So I think I�m going to make it. I was trying to decide what to do, like in tribute to her, for Mother�s Day and I just couldn�t think of anything, although I did kind of feel her tugging on my arm to go to church but I was too lazy (and I had a bad cold all week so that�s something). So I think I�ll make the Delicious Apple Cake. My Mom had the cutest little legs and used to do this �Take Me Out to the Ball Game� dance. I�ll have to do it while I�m making the Delicious Apple Cake.

Oooo� I was wondering why I was getting depressed besides the obvious missing of the Mom, and then I realized �Send in the Clowns� was on. Ugh. I�ve never liked this song. I also don�t like it because it was The Song of this couple that used to be friends of my parents but ended up being jerk faces and talked smack about my Mom. So I�ve never liked the dumb song.