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9:06 p.m. : 2001-12-23 : Paddy Whacker

My dad's mom Nanny smelled like Band-Aids. I still can smell a Band-Aid and bring myself back to visiting her and my grandfather. I was little when they passed away so all I remember is blue carpet and a dark red velvet chair. And Nanny gave me an ornament that was something I don't remember on top of a little satin pillow. It smelled like Band-Aids. I'll never forget the day I realized the conflict my dad had in his heart and head over Nanny. I was about five, I think--the house still smelled of fresh paint and we moved in when I was five. Nanny had had a stroke, which I didn't understand, being well, five, and my dad asked if I wanted to talk to her on the phone. So of course I said yes, but when he gave me the phone there was no one there. I had no idea she couldn't talk. No one clued me in. So I just thought there was no one there and hung up the phone telling my dad, "there's no one there!" He grabbed me by my hands and carried me down the hallway, spanking my butt all the way. And unfortunately I had to pee, and well, I peed all the way down the hall. Then he threw me in my room. I guess all of the emotion he'd had for years about her came through that hand. My mom used to get upset with me when I brought up the story but I just wanted someone to validate that it was screwed up. She used to spank me too but it didn't hurt. I never considered it to be a REAL spanking. Only my dad's spanking was REAL spanking. The only other time he spanked me was when my sister told him I said fuck. I was in second grade and Beth Woods (her mom called her Beth-go... probably still does... we had loads of fun together) from down the street told me "Noah Barth is a fuck." When I asked her what that meant she said, "it means he lies naked on the beach with women." Well, I thought that was a very interesting piece of information since Lindsay Barth, Noah's sister, was my best friend. I thought my family would find it interesting if not funny as hell. So at least two of my sisters were sitting in the family room and I walked into the middle of the room and said, "Noah Barth is a fuck." I didn't get the reaction I expected. They told me it was a bad word but my sister Karen felt it "wasn't [her] place to tell me why" (just like the sex talk), and went in the laundry room and told my mom. So my mom told my dad and he didn't exactly tell me why I wasn't supposed to say it. I learned fast, though, that saying it equaled bad spanking and didn't say it again. And isn't that what it's about? Just making sure people don't do stuff? Explanations aren't important, right? ;-P The funny thing is I�d probably get spanked for putting the subject of the first spanking and the subject of the second spanking in the same paragraph, if that makes any sense.

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